I don’t think I’m strong enough

I think sometimes, “yeah, I could be a mum”

but then I hear a baby cry and it makes me freak out. I seriously don’t think I can ever be a mum. All the nappie changes and feedings early in the morning and all the crying a wee little baby does all the time scares me so badly. I want to though, but I don’t... I can’t help but contradict myself simply because I don’t know what I want. I’m afraid to tell my fiancé this because I know he wants kids in the future. I just don’t think I’ll ever get over this. The pain, the money, the stress, it all is so scary! I have never ever really had a desire to be a mum and yet part of me does. But mostly not.