How long did it take you to move on?

I’m not sure that is really the best way to word my question, but please bear with me.

Roughly 2 and a half years ago, I was sexually assaulted. In my state, it would fall under the forcible sodomy laws. I’ve never told anyone about it. Logically, I know it wasn’t my fault, I know where my responsibility ended. But I don’t actually feel that way. I feel ashamed and like I could’ve prevented it.

Anyway, I thought I had “dealt” with my emotions and that I was moving on. And by dealing with them, I mean locking them in a box in my head and never addressing them. I had kind of moved on, and had gotten to the point that I wasn’t changing radio stations or tv channels when certain things came on. But, I still hadn’t dealt with my emotions.

Then, a few weeks ago, the dreams started back up. Not necessarily flashbacks, but dreams where I was being forced to do something against my will, or where things were being done to me against my will. And they escalated to include my attackers face, or the assault happening in different places. At that point, I knew I needed to do something.

And, I still haven’t told anybody. I did start journaling, but the most I have done is name my attacker, nothing else. I’m hoping journaling helps me work through it, but I have my doubts.

And, I feel like it’s a defense mechanism, but when I think of my assault it’s like my vagina gets aroused but the rest of me shuts down. And considering it’s even popping up in my dreams now, this is not a fun place to be for me.

I know I should see a therapist, or tell somebody. But I can’t. Not yet.

My question is how long did it take you to feel like you were moving forward after you started addressing your emotions?