Porn?

How do you guys feel about porn? My husband and I have tried watching it together a few times, but it always just ends up being more awkward than sexy. Especially since im very insecure about my body.

How do you guys feel about your SO watching it without you? I hate it. My husband works out of town all week, so im not naive to think he doesnt watch it to pleasure himself while I'm not there. Although, all the pictures i send him should be enough lol. but the other day i caught him watching porn right next to me in bed. It was early morning, yes i turned him down for sex. But its not like he hadnt had any the previous night. Or wasnt going to get any later on. Im fact, he hasnt even been to work in three weeks. So he has been getting it pretty regularly. Im just not a morning person lol. Well, i got angry at him and cried and told him it made me feel horrible. And then basically ignored him a good majority of the day because everytime i looked at him i just broke down. He ended up crying on my shoulder telling me how sorry he was. Of course I couldnt be angry after that, and i forgave him.

Its been a week and i cant stop thinking about it. Everytime he wants sex, all i can think about is him imagining having sex with the blonde bimbo from the video. It hurts so bad to think about. In the back of my head I know thats stupid. He married me, he was more than likely thinking about me while watching porn. But i will never know that for sure. I could ask him until im blue in the face about it, but of course he would never tell me if thats really what he is thinking. He knows it would hurt me. Now everytime he's on his phone, i think thats what he is doing. Especially if he looks like he is hiding something, which honestly could just be my overactive imagination.

I know it shouldnt be that big of deal. Its not like he is cheating on me. Even though thats what it feels like. I dont know why i cant just get over it. I know i need to talk to my husband about it, but im such a big baby i break down crying just thinking about it. Im just so hurt