Holidays with two sides of family?!

Question

Question for you mamas with multiple sides of the family! I’ve been so completely wrapped up in the first birthday fun, that I’ve forgotten all about Thanksgiving in two weeks 😱 
My husbands side of the family is only 3 people, so they always pressure us to come for EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY saying how his grandmother is getting old/ill and never gets to see baby. We make up half the family ourselves. But what about my family? I have my mother entire side and my fathers entire side (they are divorced). I feel so beyond pressured to either go to his side only or split the holiday (3 hour drive). How do you guys split the holiday?? Do you split the day or do one year with one side and then switch the next? TIA

Answer

We spend it alllllll together. I have a huge family and my boyfriend is only close to a couple of his family members so we just all come together. I am super grateful that we’re all close so we only have to go to one house over the holidays and not divide our time with different families.

Answer

For Thanksgiving I love to cook so I stay home then in the evening we may go by my husbands family’s house.  And for Christmas we all plan a day that’s convenient for everyone so we’ll meet Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and whatever day is free I’ll go to my dads.  (My mom always comes to us!) You just have to put your foot down and do whatever you want to and what’s easiest for y’all!

Answer

for Christmas we do Christmas morning with one family, then leave at about 2 PM and spend the rest of the day with the other family. Last year we spent Christmas morning with my husband's family and dinner with mine, this year will be the other way around

Answer

Thanksgiving is “our” holiday. My husband’s family is large so they would always want us to spend holidays there. I said Thanksgiving is ours. On my side it’s only my mom, so she spends it with us. They’ve tried to get us over but I always tell them no, we need to start our own tradition. We spend Christmas Eve with them and they do the feast of 7 fishes (his mom is part Italian). My mom goes over there with us. New Years we’ve alternated between his family, my framily and going out with friends. I think it’s important to have your own traditions with your own family and shouldn’t feel obligated to spend it with others.

Answer

we normally do thanksgiving lunch with my mom/stepdads side. dinner with his family and then Friday we have dinner with my dad/stepmom. this year I'm not sire if we will be attending thanksgiving at my husbands because of some drama going on ( they say we keep our daughter from them but they dont take the time to try and see her) So we will just be doing my dad's that night if we don't go to his family's

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not for thanksgiving but for christmas i decided to alternate a few years ago, unfortunately we are not talking to my mil right now so i guess itll be my side...

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My parents are divorced, and my SO's parents are divorced😩 So we have 4 family's that want to be with us. To make it work 1 or 2 of the families will celebrate a different day, like we go to 2 on thanksgiving day and then celebrate with another family the following day or days later. 2 of the 4 family's are 45 mins away so there's just not enough time in one day to celebrate with everyone.

Answer

I️ have a similar situation- I️ have been more meaningful mindful to do things I️ like rather than out of guilt tripping etc. If someone misses baby they can visit or we visit but I️ spend holidays where I️ feel good- or try to of course

Answer

Would hosting everyone at your house be an option? I host Thanksgiving at my house and both sides of our family comes. It makes it much easier for us.

Answer

I agree with the people saying it’s important to have your own tradition(s). The holidays had gotten so stressful for me after my husband and I got together because we both have divorced families and his family is small and they pretty much see each other on the holidays, so the pressure was to go to my MIL’s holidays (especially because she is change adverse and SUPER sensitive). A few years back we said we would alternate years with people (Christmas Eve with FIL, Christmas Day my father, next year Christmas Eve my mom, Christmas Day MIL) — thanksgiving was even tougher because there isn’t a thanksgiving “eve”. The additional challenge is all the other families we don’t see still want to see us and are trying to squeeze in before or after the main event 🙄
This year I have put my foot down and said enough is enough — I want to enjoy the holidays and starts traditions for our growing family. Christmas Eve will be at our home with just our immediate family — it will be a time to watch Christmas movies, bake cookies, and prep for Santa and Christmas Day. Christmas Day will now be hosted at our house and whoever wants to come is invited to come — yes, both sides of our families including the divorced parents. The only people struggling with this hangs are my MIL and SIL, and they are behaving like little children throwing a tantrum. But I don’t care... my MIL is 65 and has never had to change or compromise a holiday in her life and my SIL doesn’t have any kids. And if they don’t want to come, then don’t come. For thanksgiving, we will just rotate (between the 4 families) where we go each year. 
Since putting my foot down on these changes I’m feeling sooooo much better and actually excited about the holidays! My husband is struggling a bit because his mom is being so difficult and he doesn’t like making her upset, so I’m just doing whatever I can to put him at ease — asking him things like what can we do on Christmas to make sure it still feels like “Christmas” to him? It’s going to be a bit rough this first year but it has to start somewhere!

Holidays with two sides of family?!

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