I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK

Alright so I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year (it'll be exactly a year this Sunday the 12th). He is the most amazing guy I've ever been with and he says the same thing about me(well the most amazing Girl he's ever been with). We've been talking about kids and marriage and "our" future. We've been through A LOT this past year that has tested our relationship but we've overcome those things. We even moved in together in June (I lived with a friend for 3 months before I moved in with him and my parents before that).

But lately something has been up with him and I can tell something is wrong. I have a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that he's cheating or at least talking to other girls and I don't know what to do.

We've had this problem before but it was the other way around where he thought I was talking to other guys and I was but not in the "hey let's hook up or hang out" but more like a "hey how've your been" type of talking which I would make it clear that I was in a relationship and I would never start the conversation.

So when he found out about the handful (1 handful not 2) of guys he started going through my phone. At first I was really hesitant about it because my parents were extremely strict and would go through my phone and I had to deal with that from my parents until I was 20 and moved out. But I mean I didn't have anything to hide so I let him.

Now something that I should've mentioned before was when I was living with a friend (before we moved in together) there was an incident where I did cheat but I was upfront about it and we've gotten past it and it's over and done with, all water under the bridge now!

But anyways, when it comes to me looking through his phone he will get really defensive about it. And he'll say the whole "I wasn't the one talking to other guys there's no reason for you to go through my phone". Every now and then I'll get a slight chance to go through it and I'll take that chance like it's a million dollar check and I open up Snapchat and take a couple of selfies and I'll get up the nerve to swipe that main screen over to the right and I'll see that girls Snapchat him but he doesn't reply. And there are a couple of girls who I told him to delete and he did but now there are a couple more and I'll ask him why those girls are Snapchatting him and he say "Well so and so just snapped me a picture of the Cowboys score" or "So and So just sent me a thing from high school". Now when he saw that I was "talking" to other guys I went ahead and deleted all male followers I had on Instagram and just about all male friends on my Snapchat at his request.

Another weird thing is when you go to his contacts he has about 5-10 saved numbers in his phone 3 of them are when my phone was out of service and I used a friends phone or my sisters phone to talk to him when I was out and about. And the rest are guys from work a couple of his friends. He didn't even save his mom or his sister's number!! But when you go to his messages there are a shit ton of messages from a shit ton of different numbers. I know, by what the messages say, that some are from the people who works with.

Like I said at the very top of this post our anniversary is this Sunday. But we aren't celebrating it because he; has work during the day and a bachelor party to go to on Saturday night, and a wedding to go to on Sunday. Now this wedding is two of his closest friend whom I have NEVER met so I can see him not wanting to take me as a date to this wedding because I would know literally 1 person there. But the thing that worries me is I'm pretty sure a lot of his exes from his hometown are going to be there (this is an assumption, not an actual fact). And I'm probably going to be at home sitting on the couch watching Netflix by myself.

Another thing, we are the type of couple that literally has sex at LEAST 5 times a week. And we haven't had sex in the past 5 days. With the exception of a quick thing that lasted about 2 maybe 3 minutes. Now I I know sometimes that normal for people but with me and it it's normally 20 to 65 minutes long and it's passionate and great but that quickie was just me bent over the bed and it was nothing. And when I want to have sex and I start running my hard down his shirt and pants he just tells me no he doesn't want it so I'll stop and he'll tell me after a few minutes pass "will you just give me head and then we can go to bed" or something like that. It's like he doesn't even want me anymore. And it upsets me.

I honestly dont know what to do, I love this boy and I'd do anything to make him happy. Am I doing something wrong? Am I complaining too much? Am I being too sensitive or overdramatic?

UPDATE!!!!!

So yesterday (Thursday) when I made this post I was ready to confront him about it. I was ready to sit him down and have a serious conversation.

To my surprise my boyfriend came home 3 hours earlier than he normally comes home from work.......with flowers!!!!!!😁

Now this boy NEVER gets me flowers so I was really really surprised!!

But I didn't let this get in the way of the talk we needed to have so I sat down on our bed and took a deep breath "I'm really thankful for the flowers and I absolutely love them but we need to talk about something pretty serious" and he stopped me and he kneeled down in front of me on the floor and said "Baby, before you say anything I just want you to do it while doing you're hair and your makeup, if you want, you don't have to do your makeup but I know how you are about going out with your hair not done...whatever makes you happy!!! We're going to dinner and I don't care where, it can be super expensive or super cheap it can be whatever you want" and he kissed me so I was like what the hell? Why are you doing this? What's going on? So I was just like okay and I decided to talk while I was doing my hair (which takes me about 5-10 minutes) but instead while I was doing that he went and took a really quick shower

Now I'm the type of person who can not do my hair with clothes on. Idk why but I can't (maybe because I lose so much freaking hair while straightening it)

So when he gets out I'm in the room with a black bra and black lace panties on and he's naked and he drops his towel and walks up to me as makes me put down the straightener and kisses me. But not just any kiss. It's more like a "I love you and I miss you and I need you RIGHT NOW" kind of kiss and well we had sex like really good, passionate, long lasting (talking an hour and a half almost 2) sex and it was amazing.

Anyways when we finish it's like 8ish maybe almost 9 and he's starving so I redo my hair really fast and put on a little makeup and we leave

We end up picking T.G.I. Friday's because neither of us had ever been so we get seated we order (after about 10 minutes of trying to decided on what to get) and our food come and it's amazing so I look at him and ask him after our casual "how was your day and how was work" small talk I ask him "why did you do this? Why did you make me get all dressed up and bring me out to dinner and everything? Including the amazing sex we had?" And you know what this boy tells me...

He says and I quote

"Baby, I love you more than anything in this world and I know I haven't really been paying all that much attention to you with all the stuff happening at work and I'm sorry but I just wanted you to have an excuse to put those gorgeous heels on and I wanted to come out and show my girl off because you deserve that and I wanted to make you happy. I told you from the beginning that I know you're going to be the girl I spend the rest of my life with and I am going to propose one day....sooner than you think I just want it to be a surprise and I just love you so much"

And I'm sitting next to this absolutely amazing man and thinking "oh my god. This boy is really in love with me"!

So, for now at least, I'm going to try to chill about him cheating.

I'm still going to take those chances I get to look through his phone but for now maybe this boy is actually up to something for the greater good not to ruin our relationship!!!