A grey area

For years my story felt like such a grey area that I kept denying it happened and I didn't want to be a victim. I kept excusing what happened and pretending like it didn't. I never reported it because I felt like it wouldn't be taken seriously.

When I was 16 a guy who I was sexually involved with asked me to go to guitar center with him and his friend. While I had been in the car and when we stopped somewhere he kept trying to convince me to have threesome with them and I kept saying no. I thought no meant no but yet they still drove me out to the woods in the middle of nowhere and I thought we were just hanging out at first, I should've known better. At first we went into the woods and I told them I didn't want to do anything and I wasn't comfortable. They kept pressuring me and touching me to the point of me starting to do it. I pushed one of them off me and said "I cant do this" I don't want to do this. The other walked away while the one I was sexually involved with prior to this grabbed my arm tightly while softly speaking to me and convincing me to do it he kept begging and persisting while I kept saying no and that I wanted to go. Prior to this experience at a point in our relationship he held me to the ground and choked and he had punched me before so I was afraid of him and what he would do. We walked back to the car and although I didn't want what was happening no matter how many times I said no it seemed useless. I saw what was happening to me and how this was going to go down and I was petrified. I felt beyond helpless and I completely froze. I mentally just excepted what was happening to me because there felt like there was nothing I could say or do to get out of the situation. I was frozen and couldn't push him off me or fight back because I totally had a moment of depersonalization and non of it felt real but it was happening. I was afraid of fighting back because I thought it would make it worse. Since after it I've lived in this grey area of was it rape or was it my fault. Can anyone else share a similar experience. There's mor details of the story I'm just trying to make it as brief as possible