Feelings so sad

So this is going to be long, but I don’t know who to tell about how I feel. This is about my ex we split back in 2014, but we had been together for about 8 years. We started dating back in grade 7 and then split and got back when I was in grade 11. We had a good relationship for about a year and then the cheating and all the abuse started not just him me to I never cheated but I was emotionally abusive I said things I shouldn’t have. Let’s just say we were like oil and vinegar, but I couldn’t help who I loved and I know deep down he loved me because we always ended back together. I finally left back in 2014 I met someone it wasn’t right and I never slept with him until I was completely finished with my ex. I finally ended it on may long and met my now fiancé and I slept with him the first night and got pregnant. We now have two children and live a good life, but my heart still hurts I feel so guilty because when I think of my ex I feel so sad. I loved him so much I would have done anything for him but I couldn’t take the cheating and him pushing me around and his drinking. He kept adding girls to Facebook and I couldn’t keep up anymore I just didn’t fucking care anymore. Why do I feel this when I hear certain songs I could cry I feel like I never grieved I just moved on to forget my pain. It’s sad how much I loved him because he did so many hurtful things and o wonder if he ever looks back and regrets it. I love my fiancé but I can’t help feeling hurt to this day it’s been 4 years but my heart still hurts. He obviously met another women and I wonder if he ever feels ashamed what he put me through. I stood by him through everything possible. Please don’t judge me I just needed to let it out