My bf & I have been together for a couple years. When we first got together, it was hot, sexy, passionate, everything I could ask for, as expected. Recently, for the last 6 months, we've been TTC. Sex has gotten a little dull over time, but it wasn't bothering us much. I should add that we dated for a year before jumping into bed together. Which wasn't the way he was used to, but he was very patient for me. Well, just the other night we got into it. It was late, we were both tired & frustrated from the long day we'd had, it was just this huge blow up at 1 a.m. Generally we don't fight, but when we do, it isn't pretty. I really need some help or advice with this, please no rude comments.

The fight:

We both wanted to have some sexy fun time all day but we were busy. We talked about doing something that night & both agreed that we would. Bedtime rolls around & it's late but, we've sacrificed some sleep before, no problem, right? After a little fooling around, I tell him I'm gonna go wash my hands (not gonna get into why, it just needed to happen) & I'll be right back. When I get back, he's got porn on & he's masturbating. I wasn't even gone 2 mins! So, I'm upset because he's just doing whatever he wants & it seems like I don't matter at all. He knows that porn is distracting to me & makes it hard for me to achieve orgasm (I have ptsd, porn is linked to that, it's an issue for us). While I don't mind him watching porn when he's not around me, I can't really be a part of the process. Well, the fight just exploded from there. He tells me that for him sex & love are two very separate things, he needs porn to (tmi) get hard, stay hard, & to ejaculate. To him, sex isn't about intimacy or connecting with someone or pleasing your partner. I told him it sounds like he's conditioned himself to think that porn is how he's supposed to experience sexuality & that it's a problem for me. I don't want porn to be a main event in our sex life. I can't have it be. Mentally, I'm not capable of it. He also brought up that I'm asking for sex too much & it's putting him on the spot & killing his libido, he says it's too much pressure. I ask every couple to a few days. Ultimately, what it came down to, is that he says he doesn't want to change that part of him because he can't (I think that's total bs), & he's been single for so long that that's how he's always done things. I'm his longest relationship by far, almost 3 years now, his other 2 relationships lasted 3 months, tops.

We're both in our thirties, he's mid thirties, I'm early thirties. Obviously we've had our own life experiences & love each other very much, we agree on fundamentals, everything else is generally wonderful. I don't know what to do. We need to find a balance. I can't be around porn, it triggers certain things for me & it's very traumatic. And, I don't want him to have to sacrifice everything for me. We're very much in love & want to have a family together. But, if we can't get around this huge block, I'm afraid we'll both fail our relationship.

Sorry for the long post & for posting anonymously, I'm embarrassed because I'm sharing personal details & we're otherwise very private people. Any advice is welcome. Please help.