One of the reasons why I want to have a child so early in life is because I want to my parents to be able to hold him or her, before they, may God forbid, pass away. My parents are old. My mom is 56 and my dad is 66. I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in November. As I was getting older, when I was a teen, I swore to myself that I would have a baby before my parents died and if they did before, I wouldn't try for a baby. Maybe many years after but not right away. I know it sounds a bit fucked up the way I'm phrasing it, but I don't know how else. 😞

I don't like telling anyone this because they get all over my face and ask a bunch of questions. It's very annoying. My boyfriend doesn't know about this either. I would like to tell him but I feel he'll be a bit judgmental about it or just won't understand why I feel this way. Maybe I'm being too self-centered about all this?