Update: I've noticed that I've been a little off lately because of my anti-seizure medication. It's known to be the root of my anxiety, etc. The frustration I felt when writing this wasn't entirely his fault as I kept internalizing every little thing he said or did as me being a terrible person. I'm not leaving him. We've worked it all out. We're young, not married, but love each other very much. After we talked he understood that he was fueling the fire at times. We've started spending more time together watching movies or just playing with our kittens. Things are good now. I'll be switching up my medications to keep myself more level headed.

Lately my boyfriend has been into a new video game (Warframe). He tried to get me to play it but I hated it. This started up maybe a month ago where he would play for six hours and ignore me or barely acknowledge me beyond making dinner or asking for dinner. I'd have to get creative to get sexy time or make an excuse. So our almost four times a week turned into maybe two times a week if I was lucky.

The past two weeks have been the worst. He won't spend time with me at all. He just chats with his friends who play with him and talks shit about me. They called me his "old lady." I was livid. I stormed out of the house without telling him where I was going. He apologized after realizing I had been gone for twenty minutes.

I come home without the groceries and he nearly throws a fit. He had told me I could wait until he was back from school so he could help carry everything. After that he goes right to his laptop and that's it. I sit and play with the kittens, do my homework, etc. Three hours later he says "alright, while you're gone I'll take my girlfriend to McDonald's." He rushes me, who was already wearing my shoes and clothes, to get ready. We end up having a harsh exchange that ends with me saying "you're the one that makes me cry three to four times a day."

We didn't talk after that. I cried in the shower and took all my blankets to the guest bed. Sat there maybe two hours before he said he was going out to get dinner. I acted like everything was fine after dinner just to avoid another fight.

I've just felt like I'm not enough for him anymore. He won't have sex with me (or let me get a dildo to satisfy myself so he stops feeling like a "walking dildo"). I've always been patient when he says wait until after 10. I ask and get a "ask later" which turns into "I'm too tired."

Tonight he faked being asleep when I brushed my teeth. It just made me feel so much worse. I know he likes video games and I allow it when he works long hours after school. Just when it's everyday for 10 hours it gets to me. We don't talk more than what's for dinner or me telling him to pick up his clothes or books.

I'm sorry I'm just venting and so hurt right now. I know it's unreasonable to ask for sex daily, but getting rejected constantly is hurtful.