My now ex boyfriend accepted to Narrow Gate (which is a church camp for men 18-25 and it's where they get to grow more spiritually and also find what their skills are so they can find their purpose and what they can do to earn a living. It's in Tennessee and he would be gone for 8 months) (I knew about Narrow Gate for a while now) and we broke up. He explained to me that, at Narrow Gate, he would have no contact with anyone at all, and so we wouldn't be able to speak to each other. 8 months without speaking would be hard. He said he wanted to focus on himself because he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He doesn't want to worry about how our relationship will turn out after not speak and being away for 8 months. He avoided talking to me because he didn't want to break up. He apologized for his behavior. I could tell he was genuinely sorry and how upset and hurt he was because he started crying and he had been crying before too. He told me that I didn't deserve what he did and that I deserved better. He wants to do this for himself. He wants to focus on himself. I know that we both talked about doing long distance before but we both know neither one of us could handle not speaking and not seeing each other for 8 months. I told him I wasn't upset with him going to Narrow Gate, I was upset because of him shutting me out. After we talked about it, we spent some time together and we realized that we have this strong connection. We love each other. I want the best for him, I want him to find something to do with his life. I want him to focus on himself and do something great. I think this time apart might be good for us as far as focusing on ourselves. We undeniably love each other. He said that he still wants to see me before he leaves, and I want to see him too. I saw him on the Saturday before last week and it went really well. It wasn't weird or awkward. It was as if nothing had happened. There was still so much love between us. And he would grab my arms and pull me close to him and hold me. I'm really glad it wasn't as weird as I thought it would be. He leaves this Saturday morning and all I know right now is I'm just going to miss him so much. I love him so much. We started talking about his facial hair and he was like "when I come back, I'm probably going to have a lot of facial hair." I don't know if I might have read into that like he might come back but it seems like it could be a possibility. We also said that we wanted to keep in touch after he was done with Narrow Gate. He was also like "I'm sure we'll see each other again. Not knowing what will happen still scares me because not knowing anything just scares me in general. It feels like it's not over though. I'm doing better but I still have my days when I get in my feelings. My friend pointed out that if we would've stayed together while he was gone for 6-8 months with no communication and not being able to see each other for that long, it would've been harder on the both of us in the long run. Like even harder than how it is now with us not being together. And after she said that, I thought about it and she's right. It would've been harder. We saw each other one last time this past Friday night, and it was so amazing. The love is still there. Despite all the hurt, the tears, and the mess that happened these past couple of weeks, we still somehow manage to be perfectly fine. That how it's always been. No matter what we're still perfectly fine. I brought up how awkward bible study was, and how we didn't talk or anything and he said "I was looking at you most of the time, but you didn't look at me and I knew why you wouldn't look at me. I knew you would cry." It was hard a little bit at first but we started to be okay again. He was saying things like "I want to put you in my suitcase and take you with me." I don't know what will happen which scares me. Not knowing anything has always scared me anyway. I know he loves me. I miss him so much already. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. But he said things that made it seem like he might come back. His parents and brothers moved to Tennessee this past summer. Which is why I'm unsure if he will come back. I also brought up how he would always talk about marrying me, and having a family with me and saving up for a ring. That was (and probably still is) what we want, but we wouldn't have been able to afford any of that at the time. My friend said that he probably wants to get his shit together so that he can have all of that with you We talked about keeping in touch afterwards, and he mentioned something about coming back. Our love is strong. It's so strong. I still have hope in my heart but part of me is just so unsure. He took the love notes and letters I had written with him in a bag that he took with him to Narrow Gate. Not knowing what will happen just scares me. I wish I knew what's going to happen, so that I don't put myself down but I'm also don't give myself false hope. We undeniably love each other. And I know this was hard for him too because he was crying as well. I mean his family lives there. So why would he come back? He wouldn't have any place to go in. He just started Narrow Gate two weeks ago and he'll probably be done by the time June comes around. I wouldn't be done with school yet. So I would be able to make a living or have my own place. There's also a time where you can go visit them at Narrow Gate, but I don't know if it would be appropriate for me to do that because we're not together anymore