This pregnancy is different in the fact that 1) we weren't planning this one (oops), and 2) we have been in a huge financial struggle for over a year since my husband was laid off from his career of 12 years! I panicked when we found out we were pregnant (not feelings of excitement and giddiness). I immediately started worrying, "how are we gonna afford everything??", "we just started getting back on our financial feet", "how are we gonna handle of the doctor appointments for our youngest with a new baby along (our youngest son has growth issues and we have been regularly seeing doctors/specialists)??". Plus I had to go back to working a full time job (after 2 years of only working 12 hours a week PT, since my husband had been the main earner), which has caused me emotional stress not seeing/connecting my boys all day. 

My two boys are excited for their little sibling and constantly hug/kiss my belly, and that warms my heart and takes some of the worry away. However, I have horrible feelings of guilt because I haven't been able to enjoy this pregnancy at all! I had horrible morning nausea (no vomiting, which I wished I would have, thinking it might have eased the sick feeling) throughout my first tri, and it's s-l-o-w-l-y lightening up now that I have started my second tri. I feel ugly all the time! I have been having skin break outs all over my face/back which has never been an issue for me, a weird itchy red patch on one side of my cheek, and I have been "showing" since I was about 8 weeks (like full on gut sticking out) which just makes me feel fat (especially when everyone asks if I'm having twins when I tell them how far along I am, and they think I'm farther. I'm only 16 weeks)!! Plus my husband and I haven't been intimate since this little one was conceived, mainly cause that's the last thing I want when I'm feeling sick, but even on the days I'm not having nausea I feel so gross and ugly I don't want to be intimate with him!! It's really that old saying "it's not you, it's me" but holy cow of course he's gonna start feeling like something is wrong with him after 5 months of no "fun time"!!!! 

I don't know, maybe I just needed to get this off my chest cause I feel like a horrible wife because I'm not wanting intimacy with my husband! I feel like a horrible mother since I'm not enjoying being pregnant, and I had such great experiences with my two boys! I feel like I'm already not connected enough with this little one. I'm hoping when we get our ultrasound and find out the gender I will feel a little more connected. I just don't feel pregnant right now, I just feel fat and acne covered with moments of constant nausea!

Can anyone else relate?!?!?