I'm scared to give birth again. Advice please?!

The labor and actual giving birth part wasn't that terrible for me, the part that scarred me for life "literally and metaphorically" was afterwards. I don't know if it is because of the amount of tearing or what but I went through natural delivery thinking "that wasn't that bad" and felt like trying to urinate after my son was the end of the world. In turn I developed infections because I was so afraid to go to the bathroom! It felt like someone was pouring acid on a cut, and I guess it kinda is. We were trying so hard for this baby and sadly the first thought I had when I saw those two beautiful pink lines was "i can't go through that again". I tried the squirt bottle, the witch hazel and a couple other things but nothing helped. Sorry if tmi but I had to stand in shower and spray down there with shower head to keep it off the lady parts while I peed! I am now 18 weeks and desperately seeking any help you may have to offer me?! Any secrets I don't know about??