The BEST advice for FTMs

I know there’s a ton of info out there and a ton of decisions to make. I know you may be confused or frustrated or scared. I’m sure you’re getting a ton of unsolicited advice from strangers that’s offensive or unhelpful.

But Can I give you a piece of advice, mom to mom? The one thing I wish someone would’ve told me?

It’s not going to go as planned. “Well duh” no no, hear me out for a second.

It’s really not. I mean, it might in some ways. I had a vaginal birth with both my sons like I wanted. But it won’t go as planned. One was by forcep, one was sunny side up and an elective induction to end 4 weeks of painful pre-labor. I had 12 different swaddlers. Both my sons hated being swaddled. I was dead set on using our bassinet and then our crib. We co-slept the first year both times. I only got to breast feed one of my kids. I was a single mom to my oldest. We only cloth diaper during the day. I don’t babywear as much as I wanted. My second born didn’t walk until after his first birthday and still won’t wear anything on his feet. We still live in an apartment. I’m still going to college. My toddler watches tv and says dammit (we’re working on that, that’s my bad 😓) my second born didn’t sleep through the night until he was a year. I didn’t workout through either pregnancy. I didn’t limit caffeine like I should’ve. I forgot my prenatal. I missed my appointment for maternity photos because of contractions.

Things won’t go how you want them. But that’s not my advice. My advice is this: learn to be okay with it now, before baby comes. Learn to say “that wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but we’re safe, happy, healthy and fed, so I can be okay.” If you can learn to swing with the punches now, it’ll make the new mom thing a LOT easier. Knowing that you’re still a great mom, doing her absolute fucking best in a world that loves to tell you you’re wrong. Knowing you’ve done the best for your baby in your situation with your resources and being OKAY with that. That’ll make your life a lot easier.

Just one mom to another. I support you, I love you. And I thank you for doing your best to parent the shit out of your kids.