If you found out your child was a bully, how would you respond?

Question

Would your response be different if the bullying were done online rather than in person?
How would you resolve the issue?

Answer

We just found out my step son is a bully. He's in second grade and we have him 50/50 shared with his mom and stepdad. We took away all electronics for a month. Had long discussions with him about empathy and helping someone versus hurting someone. We have put him into therapy, thinking he may have some anger management issues, and switched him classes to get away from these other two boys who bullied with him. It's unacceptable in our eyes but we know that there is an underlying root cause to all of this and it very well be something caused from one of his homes. We don't have any behavior issues with him on our time, but his mother does. We are trying to figure out how we can help him but it's hard. Soooo hard when custody is shared.

Answer

Online would result in removal of all electronics. They could only use them for school work and would be supervised. Otherwise it’d be very similar as to if it happened in person. They’d also have to write apology letters to the people they bullied and their parents. I’d walk them to the house of that child and have them apologize in person as well. Afterwards, they would spend a lot of time being grounded. I’d start educating them on the severity of what bullying can do to another human being (I plan to always be proactive of course and talk about the negative effects of bullying and how if they see bullying they should intervene or get help, etc so it wouldn’t be a new concept I’d just get a lot more serious). I’d talk to their teachers and have them look out for any negative behaviour and have them let me know immediately. 
Id also talk to them a lot and try to get to the bottom of why they’re being mean. From a personal perspective, when I was 11 I started bullying this girl purely because I was being so badly harassed by people who were my ‘friends’. I guess I was trying to not feel small. I actually really liked the girl I was mean too (we’re actually really good friends to this day). My dad found out and I’ve never seen him so angry with me or since. But my parents got to the bottom of the issue and helped me get out of a bad situation. The reason doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but I’d want to make sure my kid isn’t hurting too or is struggling in some other way. It’d be a long process but we’d get through it.

Answer

If it were online, they would have all access to social media taken away. My kids are young still so I'm not exactly sure how I would approach the situation if they were bullying someone at school/on the bus. But, I have read about parents making the child apologize to the person they bullied and apologize to that students parents as well and I kind of like that idea. I personally feel like the punishment should go farther than that though. I'm just not sure what exactly I would do. Maybe it would depend on the situation and the severity of the bullying

Answer

I think the first thing I'd have to do is some self reflection, often kids learn behaviors (good or bad) at home. Next would be to see if there's something at the root of the behavior such as my kid also being bullied. I would definitely try to help my child  resolve the issue and take responsibility for his/her actions.

Answer

Every kid who bullies does so because they feel insecure themselves.
I don’t think you should meet bullying (pushing around/controlling) with more bullying.  
Punishment and shame is not the answer.
I think you deal with the insecurity that is the root of the problem.

Answer

I was bullied my whole life until high school. I will not raise a bully. My child would apologize to the child and the child's parents because they weren't raised to be that way and I could only imagine how they feel. They will then be grounded for a week or so cause I'm not rewarding that behavior with just a slap on the wrist and they will be set with a counselor to find why they feel the need to be a bully.

Answer

ass Whopping + in class apology to each victim with me and the victim's parents as well.

If you found out your child was a bully, how would you respond?

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