Everyone thinks he's a great guy, and I want to leave. here's why...

1. Everyone thinks he's a great guy, and so does he, just because he's with me. Because we had a child, he gets an automatic pat on the back for living in the same house we do. What kind of crap is that? Nobody cares that he completely destroyed the place while I was pregnant, cheated, and treated me like dirt, because gosh darn it he was standing there? I could have replaced him with a body pillow, three hot pockets and a good book for all the use he was, but everyone in my life used him as a convenient excuse to back off. "Aren't You Lucky to have a husband? You don't need us anymore!" Dear family and friends: I was crying every day. I needed you more than ever. 

2. If something is easy to fix, decide on, or do, he will make it very hard. We're trying to decide which relatives to visit on Christmas and end up not going anywhere because he always wants the opposite of what I want, even if it means changing his opinion of what he wants. I want to take our daughter to an amusement park and he has to roll his eyes, sigh loudly, and complain even more loudly until neither of us wants to go anymore and I'm barely holding it together trying to comfort my crying child. All his arguments against it seem reasonable, but most of the conditions are created by him. We can't find her bathing suit because he's on laundry duty this week. She gets car sick but we CANT just pack a carsick bag it's TOO HARD. 

3. Insane amounts of drama over everyday things. He reacts to doing the dishes the way I would to coming across a crime scene. If he has to do laundry, he acts like the dog is being killed. Everything is a major catastrophe and we're all going to die if our clothes are clean. And then I'm "the bad guy" for screaming "I've done the dishes every shtupping day this week because of your stupid drama! Just pick up the cloth it's not going to shtupping kill you!" And No shtupping was not the word I used. 

4. Expects me to do everything, éven when I'm sick. I got home from the hospital last Thursday. He agreed to help with the chores. He put the laundry in the washer, dryer, brought it up, and dumped it on me. I woke up beside a huge pile, four loads of laundry to fold and...put away? From my bed? When I got better and went to take the laundry upstairs I noticed that the kitchen was a horrid mess. I looked in one of the bags (there were around 12 on the floor) and realized he'd gone to the store, bought groceries, and then left them in the kitchen for me to put away. I literally couldn't get up! 

5. Makes everything about him. This doesn't even need explaining if you've ever been trolled online but just imagine that in real life. If I comment that the dishes aren't done he shouts "holy crap get off my case I'll get to it!" If I say, oh shoot I need to vacuum he's like "Yeah Yeah, I'll do it!" Other people don't exist to the point where even if the word "I" "our child" etc is used, you must be talking about him. Since he's the only person on earth clearly. 

6. If I love something, he will destroy it, or find a way to hurt me with it. I have to pretend I don't care about anything when he's around. My grandmother left me a ring. He lost it. I bought a very expensive and exclusive makeup palette I could never get again (Alice through the looking glass by urban decay) and it "went missing". My makeup brushes "disappeared" and I found them yesterday, wedged underneath the TV. We can't have too much furniture or cupboard space because it allows him to hide things. He broke my camera, four of my laptops, and my sewing machine. I have spent over $5000 replacing computers.

7. He's nice to everyone...as long as they're not me. Store clerks love him, our friends think he's great, éven I love spending time with him when he's in "good guy mode"...but this usually happens after a huge fight, so to me it feels more like he's being a smug piece of dirt. "I can make you feel like crap and then smile like nothing happened to make you seem like a crazy person hur de dur. 

8. Everything is a huge battle, and "winning" is a major painful, destructive effort. I have to scream at the top of my lungs to get him to do literally any normal adult thing. I have to be red in the face, swearing, or threatening to kick him out before he'll wash dishes or do laundry, and even then he'll do it while messing up everything else. Most of the time I just do everything praying that he can at least manage to keep the computer desk clean while eating 8 bags of chips from my daughter's Halloween candy, but he never does. 

9. He actually wonders why we don't have sex anymore, and is shocked that I would be interested in anyone else. I tried explaining it to him. Yes, any guy out there could be bad, but you ARE bad, and any one of them has the potential to be better. 

10. I threw him out. He wouldn't leave. I broke up with him. He said "No" and sat back down. I started dating someone else hoping he'd just move out  and he ruined it. He actually called the guy behind my back. I kept wondering why no other guys wanted me and why I was completely stuck with him until FINALLY one of them had the decency to tell me the truth. Everyone else just kept it a secret which, by the way, actually made me wonder if he's right and all guys really are douchebags. The only good that came of me dating someone else was that I told him I'd only take him back if he got a job so after 8 YEARS of dating this person he finally got one. 

11. Constantly monitoring me. The first job he got was close to my office. When I changed workplaces so DID he, across the street from the new office. He does his best to make sure nobody wants to be around me. So that I always feel very lonely. He wants me to be stuck with him only so that he can make me miserable. 

12. The house feels bigger and airier when he's gone. I feel like I've just been let out of a pressure cooker. When he leaves for work, I sleep for 2 hours. Then I set the house back to rights. Knowing that next weekend he'll just destroy it again.

14. The only thing that really works is public shaming. If I post the filthy kitchen or piles of laundry online when everyone knows I'm sick, he'll clean it along with some lie about my only having to ask. As if I haven't asked 10000 times already!