You’re killing me

Do you ever feel as though your life is hardly your own anymore? Trying to get pregnant has taken over my life. It’s taken away simple pleasures, because it’s the only thing on my mind. It’s taken away holidays, because I hope and pray this holiday I’ll get to announce a baby. It’s taken over my sex life, because we no longer do it for fun, or to love on each other, we do it exact days and times my phone tells me. Infertility has taken over my marriage, because we avoid each other in conversation to avoid causing pain or the burden of not being able to conceive, or creates blame on each other just looking for a reason of why. Infertility is killing me, it’s taken away my smile, destroyed the word “hope” it’s ruined my joy when seeing a baby or pregnant person. Infertility has created envy, jealousy, and bitterness towards people I care about. It’s taken away the sunshine in my life, it’s turning me into a miserable person. This isn’t who I am. Or sure not who I was before this adventure. Infertility is like a cancer, it’s taken over my life, effecting the people I love, slowly killing me, making me depressed. There is a cure yes, but “hope” seems like such a distant word as I feel this cancer is inoperable... I feel I’m done, over. My life feels meaningless now... something women are suppose to do, suppose to be successful at—-failed me, or I failed it. I failed to be a proper “woman”.

To My dearest worst enemy, infertility

I HATE YOU

sincerely,

An empty womb...