Wish AF stays away!!

So I'm due AF in 2 days. I got a BFN two days ago and have put off testing since because I'd rather not know than get another BFN. on one side I keep telling myself I'm pregnant and I just know it but other times I'm thinking AF is going to come and then this wouldn't have been the month and each time I think like that, I get such anxiety. Is anyone the same? It's awful because I'm seeing so many success stories and I'm so happy for people posting them but at the same time it hurts me so much just wishing it was me. All I want is to get my BFP and have a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby at the end of it. I've never wanted anything in life as much as I want to be a mom😔