I never thought this would be me. The logical side of me is saying, you didn’t do anything to cause this. It’s more common than most people think for someone to go through a miscarriage. But all I can think is why me? Why twice? Why does life have to be so unfair sometimes? Why can people who don’t want children continually have them or have them irresponsibly when my fiancé and I want one so desperately?

I want to be a momma so bad. I want to see my babies eyes looking at me and their smile. All I can keep thinking is what would he / she would’ve looked like? But instead all I have is the picture of the clot that came out of me. That I can clearly see what was the little life inside me - at 5 weeks I lost my baby. And even though it’s a mere 5 weeks it still hurts.

What angers me the most is the doctor at the ER trying to tell me that I had probably had a chemical pregnancy. There WAS a LIFE inside me. I saw it, my baby is there. In this picture. I’m sorry if it’s too graphic for some. But its all I have of my little one.

I hope to someday be able to conceive again and carry a happy and healthy little one. But for now I need a break. I need a break from the emotional, mental, and physical heartaches that has happened.