codependent

I’m not the one who likes to post things here , I usually just read but a really huge event happened to me this past couple days I wanted to share. So I met this guy & I fell in love with him after a month of knowing him. It was like I was was living in a dream he seemed so perfect. To say the least he is / was my first love. I would do things that I never knew I could do for a person. Of course after a couple months you see someone’s true colors. Everything happened in 8 months to get where I am today. He was the type that always had to be right. He was selfish , inconsiderate of my feelings. I was mirroring my mom & dads relationship, where my dad would be verbally abusive to mom my never had a say. Every time we try to express our emotions it is always sabotaged. So our only option is the agree with them & hide our true emotions. Eventually I was bottling my emotions up it was making me depressed. I was always the one to only worry about his happiness, I was there to please him. I had to fake my emotions in front of him. He was so selfish that he did not care. There was point that our “conversations/arguments” would be mentally draining for me all i would do is sit there in silence & in tears because my body would hurt too. I would go home hold my tears & let it all out when I would be alone in my room. I never wanted anyone to see me like this because I was always known as the tough one. He would never listen/understand my emotions. He thought I was looking for pity. I wasn’t tho. I was emotionally distressed. The break up: It was a typical night where we got into an argument, I was over it so I walked away & that was so wrong doing that (he said). I went home started crying & like always wanted to fix it & make things better so I tried calling him but he was telling me to shut up & that he would date other girls. I was being verbally abused by the guy I was seeking help for. I needed someone at the moment. So I called the hotline therapy number (I didn’t know about this) & that phone call honestly saved me. I learned that I was in a *codependent* relationship😞 after that phone call I called him & broke it off. It was ugly, All i was doing to him was frustrating him& making him angry in that phone call. That was never my intention. In the beginning of our relationship i promised him & my myself that when the day comes to go our separate ways I want to end things in a good note. I told him that we should learn from our mistakes. Talking to a therapist REALLY helped me. It’s a day after the break up & honestly I feel liberated now. No more dealing with bs. If you are going through something like PLEASE seek for help. You will feel better afterwards. There is a 24/7 hotline for therapist ‭1 (888) 957-1524‬ this will help!! I’m going to a support group tomorrow for the first time ever & i hope everything goes good. Good luck & remember you’re not alone ❤️