Scared about postpartum, recovery and adjusting to this new life

Hi mamas and mamas to be!!

I am 23 years old and 32 weeks pregnant with my first. It’s a girl and my fiance and I are naming her Lucy Jo.

As I approach my due date I realize I’m becoming more and more fearful of recovery and developing PPD. Im so scared to meet this tiny human.

I’m a step mom of 2 as well and deal with the struggles of parental alienation and the depression / anxiety that follows. My fiancé has been kept from his daughter for going on 3 years now due to false allegations of abuse and “stalking” the mother. *insert eye roll here*. I’m afraid that once our daughter makes an appearance that we won’t have the time or money to afford his biweekly 72$ visits & or have the time to drive 1.5 hours to see this precious girl. I don’t want his first daughter to be put in last place because we decided to move on with our lives to avoid feeling like we were stuck in this situation...

My stepson is 8 and I’ve been an active step mama roll in his life since he turned 5. I love him very much and don’t want him to feel he isn’t any less important to me because of this baby. He is very excited to meet his little sister, however he already has 4 other siblings between his mom and dad.

I’m so very afraid of not being able to find “me” time to focus on myself and get a little rest from this new baby. I’m afraid of how my body will look after birth. I’m afraid of how my emotions will be after birth. Im afraid of breastfeeding. I’m just so afraid of becoming a MOM and having this tiny little human depending on me. I’m afraid of failing as a mother.

Some moms make it look so easy, some moms don’t... I’ve been trying to read and study on all perspectives to prepare myself for postpartum recovery and adjustment. I feel like I’m trying to study the psychological changes that may affect me so I know what to expect...

As my due date approaches I feel this anxiety is just going to grow. Please tell me I’m not alone.

I try to be thankful for this baby because I know there are many moms out there that have a hard time conceiving, but sometimes it’s just so hard. 😭