I almost didn’t keep him

This is extremely hard for me to type and I’m posting anonymous because of how guilty I feel about it and the judgement that will probably come with posting. When I found out I was pregnant I️ was in a bad place. Playing two guys that meant a lot to me not knowing what I wanted, just being plain wrong. I bounced around with the idea of an abortion a lot, I even made an appointment to go through with it around 11 weeks. When I couldn’t bring myself to do that I looked into adoption. My pregnancy was perfect, I was never sick, felt great. Sometimes I even forgot I was pregnant. I tried to hide my belly for as long as I could and with just my luck I actually stayed very small. I was in denial about becoming a mother because I wasn’t ready and it wasn’t what I wanted- right now at least. I had a lot of stress trying to salvage my relationship with my ex who isn’t the baby’s father and I️ probably cried 5 out of the 7 days of the week. Overall it was the toughest almost 9 months. I thought I wouldn’t connect with him when he was born. I worried I would be so unhappy. I had a scheduled c section at 36 weeks and when they held him up over the curtain my heart melted. He was all slimy and alien like but he was mine. I didn’t cry when he was born but I’ve cried the whole time writing this because I can’t believe I was so negative about having him. He is freaking perfect in every way. Idk how many people can relate in any way or if you’re dancing around with the idea of abortion but I can easily say I️ am so thankful I pulled my head out of my ass and kept him. I can’t imagine him not being here now.

Thanks for reading 🙁