I’m losing my Rainbow

I found out 12/13 by accident that DH and I were expecting our rainbow baby. I thought I’d had a period 12/2 and took a test because my OPKs were shockingly positive super early in my cycle. We suffered and ectopic loss that also took my right tube on 10/10. This would have been our first month trying. We didn’t even get a real period in between.

I had blood work to confirm and date the pregnancy on 12/14. My hcg came back at 53. 48 hours later my hcg had dropped to 36. Mild aching in pelvis but no spotting or bleeding.

The doctors want me to keep doing blood work every 48 until they say stop. I asked if it was to watch the numbers hit 0 and they said yes or to see them doubling appropriately. Why can’t someone just be honest? I lost my rainbow baby. My body has failed me yet again. Just in time for Christmas.

I can’t keep doing this. It’s breaking me wide open.