Tired of being tired. 😴😪 #venting

Okay, so I really really need to vent. 😭 I'm sure nobody gives a flying flipper about what I have to say but oh well.

I've been with my husband for 4 years and married for 2. We have an amazing, adorable 2 year old little boy who will always hold the key to my heart. We met at an airport on the way to our first duty station. He was the type of guy who knew what he wanted and never stopped trying no matter how much I pushed him away. Then one day he came to me and said "Just spend one weekend with me and I'll leave you alone." I said "DEAL!!"

But of course he was back the next day 🤣 I fell for him over time, I even told him I loved him first. 😏 The first time I caught my husband cheating was around 7 months and I would have left then but I couldn't find my car keys 🤣

That gave him time to smooth talk his way out of it and I forgave him. I don't know if it was because I was young and pathetic and wanted to be loved and thought love could overcome everything else or what..but he's been sexting other women for years. The last time I found out was about 6 months ago. He had been sexting a woman that I had been suspicious about for a while..then I found him on multiple dating sites, porn sites, even on craigslist! 🤢

I was so disgusted. I didn't want to be around him, look at him, or anything. It was at that point that I knew that I wanted a divorce. I don't know if reality just hit him at that moment or what, but he begged for forgiveness every single day. He tried to smooth talk his way through it like always, but his actions had never changed. I was officially done. I was emotionless and completely broken. Fast forward to now... I'm happier than I've been in a long, long time. I have goals and dreams and a future to look forward to for my son and I. I'm getting out of the military, moving back to Texas where I already have a place picked out and a job ready to go.

I'm scared shitless but more excited than anything. He hasn't told his family that we're separated and going through with a divorce..but his mom knew something was wrong. She ended up calling me a few days ago..and I found out that he's done this with every single woman he's been with. 😔 This whole time I had felt like maybe I was doing something wrong. Maybe I wasn't giving him enough attention, or enough love or something!!

But he has an issue and I truly pray he gets help. For himself and to be a better man and role model for our son. But tonight, I'm going through some old pictures of us and our family and sobbing pathetically..😭 I love this man and I literally gave him everything but I have sooo much anger towards him. So much hatred and disgust built up for this man because he controlled so much of my life and wasted so much of my time and it makes me wonder if he ever really loved me at all. He took out loans and opened credit cards in my name while we were together and I didn't find out till months later! He wouldn't allow me to hang out with friends especially if he wasn't around, so I didn't bother making friends..which was fine because I suck at that anyways. It took me sooo long to realize that I truly missed out on life because of him, but the only amazing thing that I will always be grateful for is our son!

If you actually read this whole thing, thank you. Here's some pictures of my beautiful son to make up for your wasted time 😂😍