The choice is mine but...

Today I found out my insurance will pay for a tubal ligation. I’m 37 years old, my SO is 30. He says it’s my decision. We have no kids at all. And that he isn’t ready at this moment. He sounds doubtful. I’m not. I have been pregnant and it’s an awful time in my life. I don’t want to keep going through this. And Im being realistic w him. If he wants a kid down the line, he’d have to leave me. And he says he’s not doing that. But I know the possibility is there. I wouldn’t blame him in some ways. But this is why I’m trying to have this conversation w him. He says he does want kids but he’s not currently able to cause he’s waiting for a new job to call. Wtf? I feel like I’m alone all over Again. I just don’t want him to deal w us breaking up and him just moving back w his family. He’s 30! He goes to his moms house every day. Except Sundays. No matter what his schedule is he manages to go. That doesn’t brother me. But if I want to relocate we would have an issue.

Got off the topic. I want a tubal ligation and now I don’t see this dude in my long term future. I feel like crying. He really believes we will over Come this. He “would like” kids in his future and I don’t.