He cheated on me...

Just found out a few days ago that my SO cheated on me.

Last week I discovered some inappropriate messages to some girl on his phone. I confronted him about it. He apologized and all that stuff. I watched him delete her off his phone, but then I kept seeing that he added her back. I looked her up on Facebook and saw that she made a post about “being in a relationship” on the same day I found the messages on his phone. my SO got rid of his Facebook, so he wasn’t tagged in it or anything, but I knew she was talking about him because of one of the comments she made on the post in reply to one of her friends. I asked him about it, why would she make that post? And he said because it’s true. Then I ran off to the bedroom in tears. He chased after me and then told me everything. He cheated on me. He lied to me. He said he was going to a friends house on that day, which he did. He said he wasn’t coming home because they had had a few drinks. But then he ended up meeting this girl there and driving over an hour to her place, instead of the 20 minutes to come home to me. What made it even worse was that the day I found those messages, (before I found out he actually cheated) he said he’d go to his friends house for that night because I was upset, and I believed that’s where he was going. He came home the next morning and apologized for everything again, and I thought we were good. But after he told me he cheated I found out that he went to her place again that night. And then went to her place again two nights later after he spent time with his friends during the day (using the same lie as before. We’ve been drinking so I’m staying the night.). He said he only slept with her the one time he went, none of the others. The day after he told me everything I caught him driving to her place when I tracked his phone location after he left the house. He said he wanted to see her in person to end it for good. I told him he better stop his truck and turn around and come home or else we were done for good. That he had to choose right there, me or her. He turned around and came home.

I honestly never thought I’d have to worry about him doing anything like this because of what he’s been through in his past. I love him with all I have. And even though I should hate him, I can’t. They say the worst battle is between your head and your heart. the logical choice versus your feelings. Well mine are definitely fighting right now. My love for him is still stronger then my other feelings. So as of right now, I’m still with him. Say what you want, that I’m a total idiot. A complete moron for staying. Believe me, I’ve said the same things to myself. But I also know more about what he has been going through emotionally this year, which trust me, is a lot. It’s been a life changing year for him, and for us as a couple. There’s absolutely no excuse for what he did, but I also know he hasn’t been himself lately because of what’s been going on in his/our lives. I’ve suggested counselling for us and he seems to be on board with the idea. I really hope we can get through this.