praying for a child... for at least 5 years.

Last night while I sat on the toilet and realized that my late period was about to be here in full force I broke down in tears. My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. For the first 2 years we felt like "if it happens it happens, no stress either way, not going to prevent it, but no charting cycles or checking tempatures etc." The 2 years after that we thought hmm... wonder why we haven't gotten pregnant yet? So I started taking prenatals, charting, took my bbt, ovulation tests both of us praying of course. Nothing. Every time I was a week or so late I'd get so excited, tried not to show it, and definetly didn't say anything. I couldn't help but to start imagining being pregnant, the good the bad, I wanted it all. I would start thinking about baby names, what kind of parents we would be, whether wed home school etc. I would get my hopes up, even thinking I was getting pregnancy symptoms.. I would get my hopes up just to start my period again. I felt and still feel like less of a woman. . I work in law enforcement and I see women who are terrible to their children, get pregnant over and over again., most not even wanting to be pregnant. I still pray and thank God for his ultimate knowledge and his perfect timing, because even though I so desperately want a child, I know he may have other plans, maybe foster care, or something different entirely. Now, I'm to the point where I keep track of my periods on here, and try to plan, but I don't even get my hopes up,... or try not to. ots too hard ok me once I do. I feel selfish, that instead of constantly asking God If it's his will to give us a healthy baby to love, I should be thanking him more for all the blessings that he has given us. What makes me feel even worse Is that my husband wants a baby, and even though he Is nothing but loving I feel like I've let him down. I feel like I've let my parents down not giving them a grandchild. I even feel bad for the people who constantly ask me why i havent had kids yet, because you can see the uncomfortable ness that is all over them when i explain that i very much would love that, its just not happenimg right now. Is anyone else on here going through something similar? different entirely. knowledge, because he has a reason, I may not understand it, but he looks out for his children, and he has a reason.So a few more years past, I have a hysterogram done to check my fallopian tubes which are good, I do have pcoc and endo, which will make it incredibly hard. He had his sperm checked, slow swimmers. The past few weeks I was 2 weeks