This was at 11 DPO

This was this morning at 13 DPO

I am happy but also a little scared. All I want is a healthy pregnancy and to bring my baby home from the hospital in nine months.

With my last pregnancy everything seemed perfect, healthy baby and all. Ultrasound was perfect also. I decided not to get any further testing to see if my baby had any chromosomal abnormalities because I thought I was so far along that nothing could go wrong. I lived in my own bubble and had never heard of anyone having a stillbirth. I didn’t know a baby could be so close to the due date and not make it home. My baby was a little fighter because he held on for nine months in my belly. Unfortunately he was up against a fatal chromosomal defect. I didn’t know the reason for my baby’s passing until I received a call from my nurse two months later. They tested my chord and placenta and found he had triploidy. My nurse said it was something that occurred during fertilization of the egg and that it shouldn’t affect future pregnancies.

I love him and will always love him and miss him for the rest of my life. My husband and even my four year old son will also. Our home just doesn’t feel like it used to. It’s been real hard but we are trying our best to cope.

Soon after my loss, my mom and dad told me to not get pregnant for a while. I know they care about me and just don’t want me to be hurt again. I have faith that I will be wheeled out the hospital with my newborn in my arms.

Others may think that since I’m pregnant again soon I don’t hurt for my angel baby. They are wrong. Even if I waited a year or three years, my heart will still be hurting. Israel is a huge part of our lives even from up in heaven. Another baby will bring back some happiness to our little family, but won’t erase what happened.