Worst Christmas Eve Ever

How do you get over your husband telling you that you’re manipulative when you cry (but you’re just really fucking sensitive), complain all the time (only trying to talk through issues), and that he has to walk on eggshells around you? He said he tries to make me laugh or be affectionate because he senses my vibe and wants to avoid a fight because he doesn’t have time for it (when HE is the reason the fights are never productive). Seriously so fucking hurtful.

So I’m crying in the bedroom instead of decorating cookies with my daughter and enjoying Christmas eve.

Marriage is so goddamn hard.

Update: I appreciate the responses but want to stay anonymous. I was crying for about ten minutes and don’t honestly understand how it’s manipulative. Maybe perceived but if I’m upset to the point of crying, is the better alternative to cry while decorating cookies? I feel like my husband exhibits narcissistic abusive behaviors. Not all, but he tells me he never responds to my emotions because he thinks he’s encouraging them, but it’s actually the opposite, because the more he shuts me out, the more sensitive I am. He ignores me, doesn’t take responsibility for anything ever, and always blames me for everything. He bitches that our fights go on forever but doesn’t say anything productive. He just throws out more insults that have nothing to do with the initial problem. I feel like his admission only tells me our relationship isn’t authentic and for me to not cry all the time about that, I’ll need to disengage from him emotionally. He also refuses counseling. So there’s that. I’ve been going to counseling for myself for almost a year now and spend a lot of time reading about marriage and listening to PodCasts on it. I am really trying 😭