My bf of two years and I have been having some distance grow between us. We have talked about it and both want to make efforts to come together again. Dates, scheduling time in our busy lives for just us time, etc. He has admitted being in the wrong for ditching plans often and being over an hour or so late, calling at the last minute to change time or to cancel. He says he knows I am losing my trust and feelings of a secure relationship. And that he wants to work toward healing.

We made plans to be together on New Year’s <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> even if there wasn’t a particular thing to do. We said we would party together and kiss at midnight. Then Christmas came.

We drove six hours to visit his parents for Xmas, the first time I have been away from my family for the holidays.

I had to take a bus home early to go back to work while he stayed on to visit his folks.

Today he called me and said he wanted to know how I would feel if he decided to not come home for New Year’s <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a> and go to a party with friends instead.

In my mind, I’m asking myself “why does he not already know how I would feel? If he did, he wouldn’t be calling me to ask. And if he felt the same way as I do, or even understood my feelings, or meant what he says about healing he relationship, he wouldn’t even have considered ditching our plans.”

He claims he thought it was just a “party” and doesn’t remember making plans. He apologized but I am starting to wonder if he knows what he is apologizing about. It’s like he doesn’t exist in reality. And he is in denial of his own selfishness.

I want our relationship to work but it is scary when you start asking yourself questions you never thought you would ask yourself. Like, “is this worth continuing?”

Even if he decided to return home and go with our original plan, I feel like it’s ruined. I would just be thinking about how he would actually want to be somewhere else.

I would love any support or advise or outside views of how this might make others feel.