11 weeks pregnant, having second thoughts...

Hi girls. I’m just posting this here because I could really do with some advice etc?

So from the title, i’m 11 weeks pregnant, almost 12 and i’m having second thoughts. my SO doesn’t want this baby. at all. he still hasn’t come to terms with it and he’s telling me to really rethink this decision i’ve made. I was so adamant that i wanted to keep it. in the beginning, i did agree to an abortion but i couldn’t go through with it so i decided to keep. my SO went mental and our relationship has been on the rocks since then. this pregnancy hasn’t been easy so far and now that i’m wuickly approaching the end of my second trimester, i feel as if i’ve done a complete 180 and i’m not sure if i’ve made the right choice by deciding to have this baby. i don’t have a secure job and will have to find a new place to live by the time the baby comes.

the thing is, i’ve been told by drs before that it was going to be very difficult for me to have children due to health conditions but here i am, pregnant. i was not on birth control for the past year but have been tracking my periods. part of me now feels like i’m ruining my SO’s life by choosing to have this baby. he has become very depressed since finding out about my intentions to keep. we are both working and are both earning decent money even though my job is not permanent. this whole situation is now making me depressed and i feel like i no longer have a bond with my baby that i had in previous weeks. i’m so confused and i don’t know what to do.

i feel like if i choose to have this child, it’s going to ruin everyone’s lives but if i choose to have an abortion at this stage, i won’t be able to ever forgive myself. will i be able to have babies again? I really am in love with my unborn child, don’t get me wrong. i just wanted to be the best parent for my child but now i feel like such a failure and i don’t know what to do.

I know this is so long but what would you do? thanks girlies xoxo