He survived for 19 hours

I'm lying in bed in agony, both physical and mental. The thoughts have already started and I can't cry the way I normally would because of the physical pain it causes. I have absolutely no idea what to do. Most of the things I would do as a distraction involve more than my body can handle. It took us 8 years to get pregnant. This was our first success. He was so healthy the whole pregnancy, he was weighing a bit heavy as I had GD but we monitored closely and all was fine until NYE. We went in to get monitored because he wasn't moving. The monitor showed his heartbeat was strong. They decided to keep us overnight to continue monitoring. In the morning we did an ultrasound because his heart rate had changed. He still wasn't moving. The doctor ordered an emergency C-section. My baby was born 7lbs at 7:08am on January 1. He wasn't breathing when he came out. It took them 10 minutes to resuscitate him. At that point he was essentially brain dead. We pulled him off life support, they kept him on morphine for the pain and we held him until he died. He stayed with us until 1:55am on January 2. I'm lost and scared. How am I going to survive this?