My New Years Resolution...

For 6 months I am going to stop checking. Stop temping. Stop stressing. Stop obsessing. For the next 6 months I will not test unless AF is late. I will not use opk. I will not base my excitement about sharing intimacy with my husband based on ovulation.

For the next 6 months I will give myself a break. I will focus on what I do have instead of what I don’t have. I will let my mind body and spirit heal from the mental anguish I have put myself through for the last 18months.

For the next 6 months I will kiss my toddlers forehead and feel blessed. I will pick my daughter up from my moms every other weekend (her adopted mother as of 2 years old, now 7) and focus on rebuilding what my addiction destroyed. I will pick up my step son from his mothers and feel honored to be raising him with my husband and we will focus on rebuild what my husbands addiction destroyed.

We will be better co-parents to our older kids and more present with our full time toddler. We will play video games and read books and go on dates. We will love freely and give more, ask for less.

For the next 6 months I will learn who I am without TTC apart from my family role and finish what I started 2 and a half years ago when I got clean. I will mend the broken instead of obsessing over creating something new so that I can better focus on adding to our family in June when we start trying again.

I just needed to share this with someone who might understand. Thank you for listening!