Feeling down

So I'm exactly 8 weeks today. The last week has been really rough. I'm not sure if it's just hormones or what. I just need to vent.

I've been very secretive of my pregnancy so far. Only a select few people know. Last night I was forced to tell the rest of my partner's family (long story behind that). And it just really upsets me. One of the main reasons why I didn't want to tell anyone is because I know everything will change. People will treat me differently, and I just want thugs to stay normal as long as possible.

My pregnancy came as a shock. I was so sure my period was going to come because I had the usual PMS symptoms. I'm 21, still live with my parents, and just feel totally unprepared. At least I'll graduate by June, but I'll probably lose my job in a couple months. My dad is my boss and he just turned 65, so he'd like to retire as soon as possible. Bad news is that there's nobody to take over the business, so everyone there including me will be unemployed.

My partner has been having a tough time coping as well. He's scared to be a dad because he didn't grow up with one. He's not particularly excited or happy about the baby. Despite this, he's been very supportive of me. He reminds me that we're in this together, and I'll be a great mom.

Some days I'm fine, some days Im actually excited, and some days I fall into a deep, dark pit. At one point, I felt like I would be better off dead, but the thought has not been persistent.