Help..

Today has been the worst day in a very long time. I can feel the depression creeping slowly. It feels like it could swallow me up at any moment... I have been drinking since I woke up, and I keep catching myself thinking about taking a pain killer to ease the emotions more. I have a bad past with alcohol and pills. I know I am better than this, but it hurts so much that I'm almost on the edge of saying, screw this. I'm hoping somebody here will understand.. Nobody around me ever does. They just think I'm a crazy drunk. It's weird opening up to people I dont know, but maybe a stranger is better. Or at least someone else that really knows what depression is like.