Another month of heartbreak I’m sure 😢...just venting I guess

I had my first real breakdown on Christmas morning....well not really breakdown but was balling my eyes out. Guess I just felt like I’d never experience my own child and their happiness opening gifts.

On our 17th month of trying and every month gets worse and worse. I’ve only had cycle day 3 blood tests and the only thing wrong was low vitamin D. The next step is semen analysis. It’s really hard for my husband to get time off, especially in the winter and of course that makes doing the analysis difficult. So guess it will be a couple month before that even happens.

I guess Im mostly scared something is seriously wrong with one of us and we have a very long expensive road ahead of us. I can’t imagine it would take this long to get pregnant if nothing was wrong.

My period is due in 5 days and here I am still thinking every little thing could mean pregnancy . I guess that means I’m still hopeful at least. It’s weird how every month something different happens and it still ends in a regular period🙁. I never understood how people accidentally get pregnant when I’m having so much trouble.

But anyway don’t really know where I’m going with this but just wanted to hear from other people going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel like other people in my life will never understand my pain. They just say things like “what are you waiting for?” Or “when you have kids.....” “what’s taking so long?” Like for real people....its not like we aren’t trying. I try to laugh it off but I’m crying inside.