4 month pp

Diagnosed with ppd

I’ve had depression all my life. But when I was pg I was the happiest I have ever been. Then I had my little girl and I’ve been feeling worse and worse

I take Lexapro and I recently got my dosage doubled bc I felt like there was no difference. It’s been hard lately to take them but I don’t think it’s been working.

I’ve also felt shitty bc nobody visits us and my baby. My in laws have hardly seen her. My bro in law especially.

He’s her only uncle.

My older sister hardly speaks to me and my husband is telling me that people don’t like me bc I seem stuck up. That that’s why his family never visits. That his mom and I don’t have a relationship. She treated me like hell when I first started dating my husband. I’ve never been ugly to her. She just treated me ugly and then one day when I decided to open up to her she turned around and started talking shut about me and twisting my words around saying that I was expensive.

Anyway. Aside from all of that I know I keep to myself since then. That was years and years ago. But my depression is worsening and I’ve thinking about death. For me. But I find it hard to open up about it bc I don’t want my child taken away from me. I love her so much. I don’t want any harm to her. I just feel like I’m insignificant to veryone. I just hate myself. Apparently nobody likes me.

Let me be clear that I don’t want to kill myself. The thoughts are more about what it would be like to not have me around. Is that the same thing? Please tell me what I should do?