is anyone else depressed and pregnant?

I feel so alone with this feeling.

I have an abusive bf, makes me feel shitty just about every day, every other day I just want to kill myself where is come to the point that well at least my 4 kids will have my sister and their grandparents around to love them and be a better influence on them rather than myself.

I am told I'm a bad mom by my daughter's dad(my bf) all the time and idk what I'm doing that's wrong. I have great well behaved kids who listen and are easy to talk to, I don't hit them either I just talk to them like the little people they are.

when I found out I was pregnant with this baby all I could think of is omg I cannot go through this for the rest of my life to deal with this guy and have another kid with him? I just can't. my first thought was an abortion but thinking and thinking about it just made me feel so awful inside. then I asked a good friend of mine if they'd take the baby which they actually said yes but! not if my kids dad were to be around because they know he is drama and how badly I am treated by him. idk what to do, I still don't want to have a baby and I know my kids dad isn't going anywhere and he would do things out of spike and revenge if I try some. I've tried to get away from him multiple times but always came back because I felt badly for leaving and him feeling hurt. always filled with these empty promises that he will change but nothing changes.