First off, I’d just like to request no rude comments. I created this post solely for the input of others that have been through a similar situation and have some insight and could possibly me see things in a more positive light.

I was previously in a serious and toxic relationship for 1.5 years. He was manipulative, a liar, controlling, and emotionally abusive.

I have changed names for privacy.

Anyway...

My boyfriend Albert and I will be together for a year in mid-February. We started seeing each other November of 2016 and became sexually active a few weeks later. We met on tinder in May of 2016. It took a few months for us to meet in person because he was inconsistent with communication and sent me things that made me lose interest (pictures of his friend Shannon captioned “she’s cute”, chats about his ex and how she had depression and anxiety along with a photo that was his favorite because she looked genuinely happy). I caved in because he started to pick up some slack around Halloween, so we met at a movie theater.

His dad passed away a few days after the second time we hung out (mid-November). He said I was the first person he told. I left my volunteer shift early to see him and his family; that was the first time I met his mom and his younger brother as well as extended family and family friends. Out of the three friends he invited to his dad’s funeral (early December), I was one, and I was the only girl. The others were guy friends he knew since elementary school (Albert was 21 & a senior in college at that time) and he introduced me as his “friend”. I think they knew we were not just “friends”, as did his family; his uncle kept making jokes about his ex like “uh oh, it’s the ex!” since there were a few pictures with her in it during the slideshow.

After his dad’s passing and a few more times of hanging out, he confessed that he had feelings for me. He was still using tinder though. A week or so after his dad’s funeral, my youngest brother was in ICU for a few days after an OD so I was staying at the hospital for a few days when I found out. My best friend sent me a screenshot of them matching. Him and I were texting at the time; he said “I think I matched with your bff LOL” so he wasn’t really hiding it...the next time we saw each other in person, he deleted his account and app in front of me as he said he wanted to be exclusive. When he confessed, I asked if he still liked his friend Shannon. He said no, that he stopped liking her a few month before we met because she started dating a buff white guy.

Fast forward...

The day we went official, I told him I wouldn’t wait for him forever, that I gave myself a time limit and if he didn’t reach it, I’d cut things off. I didn’t tell him when, but he asked me to be his girlfriend later that night. It was awkward but I said yes. Over the span of two months, he told all of his guy friends (childhood and college) that we were dating. He didn’t tell any of his female friends (Shannon, Laura, Terry, Emma). They only found out after we went Facebook official. In early May, his college squad went on a cabin trip and Shannon, the friend he liked, asked him to invite me. I was upset because he didn’t invite me himself...Shannon did. I didn’t go. He said “I love you” during sex after we got drunk in late March, then sober mid-sleep in early June. When I asked him about the drunk time the first time, he said he was just talking out his ass. After saying it sober, we discussed the drunk time again and he said he actually meant it but didn’t want to be embarrassed because it was “too soon to be in love” and he knew I wouldn’t say it back.

Things were going well for a little while...until September rolled around. I always had a gut feeling that things were too good to be true. After he graduated undergrad in June, he started working full-time. While he was showering, getting ready for work, I snooped through his phone and found text messages with Terry in March. They went to a bar to celebrate the birthday of one of their college buddies. He was flirting with her after they both left the bar. She even sent him a selfie! At this point I’m like wtf dude. It pissed me off so much because he was talking to his friend Alex about him seeing her on bumble and trying to hook them up...he even said “dude, if you have the chance to get with Terry, do it”. Lmfao after I read his messages, that’s when it hit me and I was like OK NOW I KNOW YOU DEF HAD A THING FOR TERRY TOO. I didn’t say anything. Just felt insecure all the time. UNTIL I made him a doctors appointment because he’s still a child and can’t do it himself. I went with him. While sitting in the waiting room, somehow we got on the topic of it, and I mentioned his conversation with Terry. He made a joke about how he knew I went through his phone (which he later admitted he actually didn’t know) and I said I wouldn’t lie, and that I did. We didn’t speak about it until late October.

I was furious. I honestly thought so hard about breaking things off and planned to do so. We had a long argument about me feeling insecure over the Terry thing and he finally admitted that he was stupid and still liked her, as well as Shannon, which is he he kept me a secret from them. He said he felt bad for flirting with Terry because I deserved better than that and he realized he really did love me so he didn’t do it again. And, mind you, he said “I love you” drunk THREE days before he was flirting with Terry. He even went out with my family the day after to celebrate my dad’s birthday.

He came to my house the next day so we could talk. He started crying and gave a huge bag of my favorite candy as a parting gift because he thought it’d be the last time he would see me. We talked about how he felt pressured to start this relationship, how he felt horrible for doing everything he did...I stupidly forgave him, but it didn’t hang the fact that I now still don’t trust him. He doesn’t talk to Terry anymore since graduating, and he only sees Shannon when their whole college squad hangs out. I have met Shannon multiple times and Terry once.

While I am trying to learn how to trust him again, he keeps lying to me about little things like watching porn. He is horrible at communicating and has only recently been better about listening.

Sometimes he is dry with his affection and most of our sex is initiated because I start playing with him. He never touches me first. Him watching porn has started to affect our sex life. I won’t get too into that because we’re trying to sort that out ourselves and I am not seeking advice/opinions on it.

I am a decent girlfriend at the least. I know I’m not perfect but I am 100% committed and have put all of my myself into this relationship from the beginning. Maybe I’m stupid for sticking around this long, but I love Albert and I don’t want all that time and effort to go to waste. I know he loves me too despite the fact that he was done a lot of things to damage our relationship, but I can see that he’s trying. I think that’s what keeps me around.

I’m trying to deal with everything that happened and get over it. But it still hurts. I dont bring it up with him anymore but I’m still hella salty. Today, on a car ride to my house, he told me that he told his guy friends (gaming friends; all went to HS together or know each other from meeting through another dude) EVERYTHING...and they called him fucked up. I’m not entirely sure why, but that just really fucking hit me in the heart. Now I’m questioning whether or not being here is worth anything at all. If your friends think you’re fucked up for what you’ve done to your girlfriend, can you even imagine what you’ve made her feel? Like, holy shit. He broke my heart more than once and I’m still with him. Hearing that just set off my whole entire mood today and I’m seriously wondering if I should leave this relationship or not. Like I said before, I love him. To pieces. And he’s trying. But trying now doesn’t change what’s already done, and it doesn’t change that he really hurt me, lowered my self esteem, and lost all of my trust.

What do you guys think?