i always catch myself going through my posts and pictures of how happy we were when we found out we were expecting. the smiles on our faces were so true and dear to heart, literally 10 days after this photo was taken, our whole world flipped upside down. it kills me to know this fucking happened. i feel ASHAMED knowing that when we took this picture, i was carrying around a dead fetus with no heartbeat. i may seem so vulgar but im just fucking mad at this point. i should have a baby in my arms right now, but no, all i have is shitty cramps & shitty people around me who are having kids like no other. it doesnt stop there. i had a girl tell me i post this shit for attention.... when anyone who has been through this fucking pain knows this is not for attention. it’s to express your pain and how much your miss your little ones. no matter the amount of time i had with my children, i STILL carried babies, i STILL became a mother j just because my children arent here with me, doesnt make me any less of one. every month my period rolls around i just instantly cry and hate myself. it’s a monthly reminder of what couldve been and what shouldve been. it’s a constant trigger to set me off because i know right now isnt a good time for us to bring a child into the world, EVEN THOUGH I WANT TO. SO BAD. how do i cope? where do i start? im at the point where i feel like the only thing that will help me cope is having a baby.... maybe getting a dog??? something. im so upset and i just want help. i want to feel better. it’s almost been a year since this picture was taken and i feel like my heart has broken more and more since the days we found out we lost not one baby, but 2. 😩😩😩