Premourning the loss of the birth plan i wanted.

I’m 34 weeks & 5 days now, but yesterday at 34 weeks & 4 days I had to go to the hospital for back contractions. I spent all day on monitors, etc and got an ultrasound for my son. He’s now estimated at about 7 pounds and 5 oz, with high amniotic fluid around him. I had slightly higher then normal amniotic fluid with him at my 32 week scan which is why I knew already but now it’s even slightly higher. I have had 3 one hour GD testing done and have passed every single one.

Now I get to do another, but it’s the 3 hour one along with two steroid shots to help develop his lungs. I was basically told he could come between 35 weeks & 37, they don’t see me lasting until 38-40 weeks which makes the shots I got to prevent preterm labor basically null and void 🤦🏻‍♀️😒 I’m already 1 cm dilated & 60% thinned out. Firm still thank god but I truly believe last night was my son’s way of saying don’t count your breath on holding out till 37-38 weeks.

Now, my hospital will take me in at 35 weeks and he will be just fine, however any preterm birth means I cannot give birth in the tub like I wanted to. I did not get to get this with my daughter either and I really wanted to do it this time! I’m really sad that the possibility is really, really slim and while I’m so thankful he is healthy and wonderful and growing I’m really feeling the loss of the birth plan I worked so hard on. I know things don’t always go as planned however it really stinks i had this whole image in my head ruined.

My pregnancy has been relatively hard on me with my anemia, with taking preventative preterm labor shots weekly, having high amniotic fluid just in the last two weeks, needing growth scans from 28 weeks on monthly, I’m so tired of things not going right. And to add to it now I have to get ultrasounds weekly. I’m happy to see him but I feel more like a pin cushion and less like a person. 😩

I know it could be worse, but it still sucks. I know there’s a chance I could still go at 37 weeks, but the likelihood is looking less and less each time. :/ Any other moms go through this?