Confused

So, I’m on the fence right now. My friend just lost her 3 month old baby due to SIDS. There was a fire in our community last weekend and 4 children died. This past week I have been debating whether I want to keep trying for another baby, or if I want to just make myself be ok with my 11 year old son. I know I couldn’t handle having a baby die or even my child die. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel lucky to have my child get past those children’s ages. Then I think on the other hand we have been trying for another baby for so long that I kind of want another baby. I can’t live life in fear. I still haven’t got my period since November 26th and I’m not pregnant. I’m actually pretty sure I know why I haven’t started it yet. My husband understands the logic behind my thinking and he’s been hurting for our friend that lost her baby. I’m just not sure if I should continue the medications or just not try anymore.