My boyfriend and I have always argued about only one contentious issue: his relationship with his ex wife. They do an excellent job of co-parenting their son, whom I love, but the familiarity and friendliness between the two of them makes me uncomfortable and it always has. I’ve asked my boyfriend to keep his contact with her related to things regarding his son only, but he’s stood his ground on saying that everything that happens between the two of them is for his son (even if they’re communicating about things that have nothing to do with him) (like he has sent her photos from our vacations....not like his son was there, and they weren’t photos of us together.) (also, when she had a baby he would text her asking how she slept, and how she was feeling). They don’t hang out in person, and she has a boyfriend as well, but there’s a level of flirtatiousness in her communication and despite the fact that I’ve made my boundaries clear, she still insists on having a personal relationship with him and he lets her. I’ve asked him not to speak to her about me, and he has said that he respects that.

A few nights ago, I got home from a meeting and noticed he was tilting his phone away so I wouldn’t see who he was talking to (his ex wife, of course) and asked what they were chatting about. He was silent so I grabbed his phone and read their conversation. She was estimating how far along I was and asking what gender baby we are having and suggesting where we could get a 3D ultra sound. This lead into her telling him about how her sister is having a baby and they chatted about that.

This particular conversation wasn’t flirtatious, but It was kind of the straw that broke the camels back and I lost my shit. Not only was he talking to her about me, I feel like talking about your partners pregnancy is a personal thing to be talking about, let alone to your ex wife. He was trying to hide his conversation and was silent when I asked him what they were chatting about because he knew I would get upset. I wonder now how much else he has told her about my pregnancy, our lives, our relationship (she confides in him when she is having problems with her boyfriend).

I am moving my stuff down into the basement. I don’t think I can handle a lifetime of wondering about them and about always being second best to a relationship he says bears no importance to him but that he refuses to change jn any way.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this kind of thing? Never been worried about him cheating but the fact that I’m leaving him, and he would still rather carry on with her in the same way says something to me. Any advice?!