In July 2015 I found out I was pregnant at the age of 17. The father of my child wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and called me a whore and slut and said it wasn’t his and i was sleeping with someone else and he wouldn’t be around.

I cried a lot because i didn’t know what i was going to do, but i knew no matter what I loved this baby with my whole entire heart.

A week or so later and it’s time to tell my parents. I couldn’t even actually do it my sister had to. They call me into the room and just start screaming at me and tell me I’m getting an abortion as soon as possible. I’m begging and crying to let me at least give my child up for adoption and my mother looks me dead in the face and says “No blood of mine is gonna be raised by strangers” and I said “But you’re fine with killing your blood”.

At thar point i don’t even know how many days have past i just know now we’re at Planned Parenthood and there’s a group standing on the corner screaming at us as we go in. Then I’m in the waiting room, now I’m in the back getting my blood and everything checked to confirm my pregnancy. Then I’m in a room talking to someone who asks me if anyone is forcing me to have an abortion....I wanted to say yes so badly, but it scared me because i didn’t know what they’d do to my parents so regretfully I said no. Eventually I’m getting an ultrasound and the doctor asks if i wanna see which i do and I just wanted to burst into tears, because there on that screen I could see my child’s heart beating and I knew i would never meet him/her. Next day or so I’m taking the first set of pills, a couple days later it’s the second set. I never felt so sick in all my life..and all I wanted to do was die.

No day since then has felt real. I feel like I died with my child.