I didn’t think having a baby could put so much Strain on a relationship. My husband and I barely talk anymore when we do we are fighting. I do all the caring for the baby myself, clean and cook. He complains that I don’t pay attention to him anymore and don’t think of him, but how can I right now when I don’t even have time to go to the loo coz I have a newborn (2 months now) to tend to alone. When she is asleep I have to hurry to shower Incase she wakes up I’m at least showered. If she stays asleep the next thing on my mind is to shove down some food fast and clean quick. Yes I know he is very neglected right now, so am I. I’m neglected by myself and by him too. His defense is he provides financially coz the baby is still small and I’m EBF (whilst I appreciate that he aught to be honest in that I too give my fair share financially, I still pay some house bills using the little salary I get whilst on maternity leave, I just ask him to buy random things and Nappies when I’m out of cash). But he doesn’t even join in bathing the baby, he has only changed 2 Nappies (and I’m not exaggerating here) even when baby wakes up and cries at night he just rolls over and doesn’t even acknowledge me, every time. The only time when he did wake up was once when baby was crying so much I ended up putting her down because I myself was crying and felt I would end up harming her. Just so I’m clear, the baby hardly ever cries, she only cries a bit when she is sleepy I then quickly rock her to sleep, at night she cries when she can’t put herself back to sleep, again I pick her up and rock her back to sleep, thing is at this point she is still very attached to me and I don’t see this changing because hubby doesn’t join in anything.

Slowly now I am starting to figure things out as baby has fallen into a bit of a predictable routine. I know now she has 3 naps a day, on the first one I clean bath and eat coz it’s her longest most reliable one. Second one I nap with her. Third one I cook dinner. I want to now get back to caring for myself and DH. I just needed him to be patient with me. He even complains we haven’t been intimate in a long time, and I tried explaining to him that I’m all for it and I’m usually my most relaxed after 8pm when baby is out for the day, but no he wants to wake me up after 1am ☹️😢 I feel like just packing my bags and going home for a bit because the more we stay i this state the more we are hurting each other by not being there. It’s as if he has declared not to be there for me until I’m there for him,but I’m also struggling coz he’s not there for me, it’s just a vicious cycle yet I understand going home isn’t going to fix anything ☹️ he still will feel alone and I still will feel alone. I tried talking to him about this and how we are stuck in a cycle but it didn’t help anything. How do I right my “wrongs” ? I really am looking for some practical advice and help, I am not coping, at all how can I get this right. I can’t control him and can’t force him to be what I expect him to be. The best I can do is change what I can.

This is so draining.... In no way am I trying to paint a bad picture of him, I know he is not stepping up right now that I need him the most to do the most, but please don’t attack him and call him names. What can I possibly do ? The sad thing is during the holidays he could see I was depressed and he would ask if he should call a friend to come and stay with me, or if I want to go to his mom, and even then I told him it’s not them I need, it’s him. I need him, and need him to stop finding every excuse to not be home with me and the baby ☹️.

I can’t even fall asleep at night coz my mind is so on over drive and I’m overly tired I have been taking paracetamol every night for weeks now to help me fall asleep, even during the nap I try and take with my daughter I mostly just lay there till she wakes up.