September 2017 I missed my period by two days and just figured it was late then my sister kind of pressured me into taking a pregnancy test so I did. And it was a positive I was so excited and emotional started crying happily. Been hoping for that for nine months to happen and never did so I just kept thinking maybe it’s just something I can’t have. Which made me from my lmp 4 weeks and 3 days. I was so excited so happy that it happened. First baby and wanted it so much four days later I was at work and I started bleeding and very light headed luckily a co worker was able to cover my place and I was able to leave. I went to the hospital and it turned out I was miscarrying. And it really hit me bad. The very few people I told I was pregnant to then had to tell them I lost the baby they all told me sorry and just hearing that I couldn’t take it I balled when I heard sorry being told to me. I couldn’t sleep without crying that it was my fault. I kept to myself. I didn’t talk to anyone. I closed myself in my room in bed. Then everyone announcing they were pregnant or having their baby I had hatred for them. And some even saying they didn’t want the baby. I wanted my baby and I couldn’t help it. Then so forth December came so three months later after all the stories I read about coping after a miscarriage. I started getting this urge to better myself make a better living for myself. So that the next time for it to happen that the same thing doesn’t happen again. I think about the baby all the time. And want get something to remember it that I have an angel of mine looking over me. My partner and I have talked about trying again and been trying my lmp was December 21st I’ve experienced bad sharp cramping on the first weekend of January then it stopped (by bad sharp cramps meaning times it put me to stop what I’m doing and bend down in pain) and in the tww and he mentioned to me on Thursday January 11th that he has had a feeling that I’m pregnant before I started getting the feeling that I’m possibly pregnant. And I’ve been wanting to avoid about thinking of it and had strong feelings that I didn’t want to find out if I am cause I’m scared that I’d miscarry again but now that it’s in my head I just keep getting curious that maybe I am. Af is suppose to start either the 17th or 18th. And I have my annual appointment on the 19th that’s been scheduled for a year. My curiosity tells me to test now but my mind tells me no just leave it alone and at most either af will start or doctor will tell you on Friday.