I lost my 7 week old son late August of 2017

I lost my 7 week old son late August of 2017. A malpractice loss. He was my dream pregnancy, delivery and child. He was truly thriving. There is nothing worse. I’ve struggled everyday for purpose and meaning since he passed. I was very lucky that when I tried to get pregnant I was both times. The first was a early MC. The second was my son. After his death I grasped to “get him back” I have been trying for months. This month has been mentally the make it or break it. I knew my body and mind was stressed but was having more and more suicidal thoughts. My body was betraying me month after month with signs of pregnancy to only be let down. I would never be happy. Hours of searching every symptom. Countless dollars on early pregnancy test, because if I could know one minute sooner I could be hopeful, happy. I’m happy to say that I’m pregnant! This was my month. Ah... I’m really pregnant. For all of you struggling, this month my tips of valid this month I refused to buy tests. I drank more, I actually “gave up”. I did my best to stay off the blogs. Well less... I had the “feeling” I really did but I did my best to ignore. For fear of being wrong Again! I love all of you and I have hope again and I wish with my posting this that you don’t give up like I was starting to.