I had a baby in November that I didn’t know I was pregnant with. My SO and I haven’t been in the best place this last year or so and have been under a lot of stress, most of it caused by pregnancy symptoms we didn’t recognize, so we decided it would be best to put the baby up for adoption.

I never wanted to have kids because I don’t trust myself to be a caring parent due to my own imbalanced upbringing but ever since I held my son for the first time, all I can think about is having another baby with my SO, despite both of us being severely under qualified to be parents and being unable to provide for more than ourselves at the moment. Does anyone else have experience with the emotional toll of putting a child up for adoption even though you want it? Of being torn between wanting to have your baby but also wanting to make sure they’re in the best possible place even though you know that’s not with you?