I’m sorry if this is a bit long.

About 2 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I had conceived in November 2015 but didn’t find out until January 2016. I was 16 at the time and a junior in high school. I knew from the beginning that this wasn’t something that neither my boyfriend and I were in the position to do. He was very supportive of my decision which was comforting. The second person I told was my sister because I knew she would be supportive unlike my mom. My mother is an extremely religious person and I knew she would be upset when she heard about my decision. At first my sister said she would keep my abortion a secret and that if I needed a ride to the clinic that she would help but a few days later she forced my to tell my mom. My mom was extremely upset with what my decision was and soon after had me on lockdown. I was not allowed to leave my house unless it was to go to school and she picked me up everyday to make sure that I wouldn’t go anywhere. Because of this I got so depressed to the point where I attempted to take my life but was unsuccessful in my attempts so I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. At this point I was 12 weeks pregnant and I was running out of time. I live in a small town in colorado so after the 12 week mark they can’t do a pill abortion so I had to get a surgical procedure. This was very difficult because the only place that did surgical procedures was in denver and being on lockdown didn’t help. About two weeks later my boyfriend got kicked out of his house so his uncle came to get him and try to figure things out. His uncle was the only person in his family that knew about my pregnancy but he was very supportive about my decision. My boyfriend was able to get his uncle to talk to my mom into letting me go to Denver with them to get his mind off of getting kicked out when in reality we were going so I could get the procedure done. We were there for a week but I didn’t get the abortion until the day before we left. All of the nurses and doctors at the facility were extremely kind and understanding. When I got an ultrasound to see how far along I was it turns out I was farther that I thought. I was at 16 weeks and they could already tell the sex of the baby. I was asked if I wanted to know what the sex was but I declined. She wrote it down on my chart and I could slightly see.. it was a boy. Knowing the sex suddenly made it harder but I knew it had to be done. I had a D&E;, it was a very painful experience not only emotionally but physically. I had to have dilation sticks put in which caused extreme pain and it let to me getting sick and throwing up. I was given a heat pad and iv with sugar water which helped. After a few hours of sitting there they gave me a sedative for the procedure and was lead into the room. I immediately fell asleep when I was laid down and they woke me up about 20 minutes later when the procedure was finished.

I was okay with my decision but when I told my mom she made me feel extremely guilty. She told my entire family about what had happened and everyone was very upset to the point where they wouldn’t talk to me unless it was to make me feel bad about my decision. After almost 2 years they still make me feel guilty about my decision but I don’t regret it. It’s been an extremely hard thing for me to do but i know that it was the right decision for me even though my family may not agree. It’s something that’s very sensitive topic for me but I also have no one to talk to about it so being able to talk about it here kind of helps.