How do you deal?

Question

We are starting IVF process this month (on BC now, shots in a week or two) and I’ve had a hard time accepting that this is going to be out path. We found out that I have severe Endo a month or two ago and the dr is worried I don’t have much time if we want to have a baby due to the impact of endometriosis on my ovarian reserve. So everything is sped up quite quickly...faster than my emotions, if that makes sense. I find I’m okay with my journey when I’m dealing with it as our experience to have kids...but find I REALLY have a hard time when I am finding out friends are pregnant and a number of baby shower invitations (4 next month!). Then all of a sudden it’s hard on me and I’m no longer chill about it. I want to be happy and supportive of all my friends but it’s a really hard for me right now and I’m torn on how to deal with their happy times. Question for you all as you go through IVF and advanced fertility issues: does anyone else experience the same? How do you cope? Do you go to the showers, etc or do you not, and give yourself the space you need? Thanks in advance! Not many people understand what this is like so I appreciate hearing your input. ❤️

Answer

While it took me 3 rounds of IVF to get pregnant, I started TTC later in life and so didn't have a lot of the same issues personally.   However, I watched 3 very close friends struggle through multiple miscarriages and infertility treatments and so I've seen the impacts of jealousy up close (note: one ended up having 2 children, another adopted and another refocused on her career). 
What I learned from their experiences is that having to work hard for something just makes you value it all the more in the end.  If you can focus on that and remember all the blessings you already have in your life plus remind yourself that some of these people are or will struggle in other areas of life where you have it better, it might help ease the pain a little.  Plus it will definitely help you keep your friendships and support system with those who seem to have it easier than you strong.

Answer

It's totally ok to skip baby showers. I went to 1 and had to excuse myself early because I just felt myself falling apart. At this point I need to focus on myself and do what's best for me. Having a friend or family member to talk to also helps. Try to stay positive and wishing you all the best!

Answer

I’m currently on provera at the beginning of this process. We found out last June that this would be our road to parenthood.. so we’ve had plenty of time to process it and still I am so nervous. Mainly about it being successful.. In that time I have avoided two baby showers (but also attended two that I could not avoid), one gender reveal, and had actually cried when I went to go see my aunt-in-law’s baby girl the day after she was delivered.. I get along very well with my in laws so thankfully she was very understanding, since she’s battled infertility herself, and said it was completely normal and okay. Sometimes I’m not even sure if that’s “dealing with it” but it’s how I have coped..

Answer

I know exactly how you feel...this will be my third round of IVF (3rd FET) and I struggle with it everyday. Especially with pregnancies of friend and ‘mistakes’ there is literally around 20 people I know have had or are having babies well after we started trying. I have come off Facebook and Instagram as i find it helps not to be confronted with it every single day as it’s always on your mind everyday as it is. I stayed acupuncture now and just trying to stay focused..I’ve gone into my shell a bit and don’t talk to people so much because I don’t want them to constantly ask or feel like I need to explain every small detail. It’s hard...but do what you need to get through it and don’t feel bad or guilty for anything you want to do or feel. Good luck 👍 we will all get there...I hope

Answer

I understand completely! i cant help much as showers arent really a big thing here but i found i had to come off facebook as i struggled with all the announcements. I did a round of IVF and am currently 15 weeks pregnant but i have found that the jealousy / bitterness hasnt completely gone (which i found crazy as i am getting what i wanted!) but accidental pregnancies still hit me where it hurts as its so easy for other people and we had such a struggle and also announcements of 3rd baby or more also make me jealous as we wont get that far or have any surprise pregnancies etc its all very structured and organised. hopefully those feelings will go as i come to terms that after this baby my family is complete (cant afford more ivf). So yes it is normal to feel the way you are and it may not magically go when you get pregnant but it is such an amazing process it will all be worth it in the long run! good luck!

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